I apologise if the title of this essay may be a little misleading. I am not making a direct observation of morons in the Craft; in fact, some of the examples I mention below may even be anything more substantial than broad generalizations. In fact, this entire essay is just going to be one seemingly baseless opinion, but it's my chance to bitch you, the average nameless faceless Neopagan, out for being a fucking moron. If you happen not to be a moron, and prefer not to read this tirade, feel free to skip this essay and delve into one of the many other essays that populate this site. But you may want to read ahead anyway, just to make sure you're not one of the target audience of this piece.
The Obsidian Mirror has existed now for just about forty-five weeks. During this time, my little three-rant excuse of a webpage has exploded into a nexus for the Neopagan counterculture. This essay is the thirty-fifth to reside here, and among the other essays by various colleagues of mine as well as my music, comic and message board, one can visit this site for nearly a week straight and never get bored. I've written some things that have really pissed some people off. My essay Wicca Should Be More Like Satanism had fluffies up in arms, as did We Need Some Rede-B-Gon, as did a few others. This site began basically began as a big fuck-you to the fluffy community in general, and also as a final fuck-you to mildly successful author A.J. Drew, whose pasty haggard face has been permanently stained brown from all the asses he's kissed to publish his mediocre books. He's the first "moron" I'd like to point out by name. He and his happy fluffy entourage, including author Patricia Telesco, have pretty much stirred the same stew over for years on end there at Pagan Nation, formerly Neopagan.com. They beat up nonfluffies who come in to try to reason with them in the same, unblinking, unremorseful manner that they deflect Christian zealots who are desperately trying to save their souls. That board reeks of doubletalk and political games, where if you're not a paid member you are nothing, and if you are a paid member, you have to play a cat-and-mouse game with the other paid members who centre their entire lives around this unproductive message board, as though it's the entire crux of the neopagan cybercommunity.
As you may already know, A.J. and his retinue have declared war on $ilver Ravenwolf. I don't mean to defend Pilfer Rabidfluff in any way, shape or form here, but doesn't this come across as a real sick case of kettlitis here? A.J.'s books (of which I owned two, and currently own one) insist that $RW is only corrupting the Wiccan youth with pipe dreams of pixie dust and magic wands and incessant bashing of Christianity (which is actually true, as my good friend Cassie Noble has attested to here), whilst at the same time he goes around slamming her in his literature and pissing and moaning on his message board about how his city (Columbus, Ohio, USA) is hampering his ability to get his self-righteous tirade out there. I must say, I'm on the city of Columbus' side here. Now, this may be personal vindiction talking — okay, it is — but he doesn't deserve to have his literature published, kind of like Mark Ventimiglia.
I used to think that Ravenwolf was a complete fucking moron. In fact, I have now come to the opinion that she is an extremely shrewd businesswoman and a very clever author. She has connived a series of books that include just enough mysticism to where complete idiots and newbies will believe her to be a (or in some cases, the) most credible source, and left out just enough actual truth to keep said idiots and newbies from actually achieving any sort of magical goal in reality, yet still maintain that feeling of success in their heads. It's absolutely genius. Now, I disagree with the ethics of it, but that's a personal thing. But I digress: while crafting this absolutely daft and clever literature, she's worked up enough money to live comfortably for the rest of her life, and enough fame to where she's recognised everywhere she goes. Damn, what a life. And, she's even convinced the serious pagans that she's an absolute moron. Therefore, she is absolved from my list of idiots.
However, there are many who want to be like her. For example, Norm Vogel, who sports his ULC ordination everywhere he goes in order to make himself feel like a religious leader. This man is so hellbent on touting his fucked-up beliefs and opinions as the Gods' unadulterated truth that he's willing to slander everyone in his way. He's even tried to work glamouries on people, that they would find him intelligent and admirable. You can see for yourself what an embarrassment he's made of himself on our message board since he tried to magically attack my mentor. :) It's rather hilarious, if you ask me. He is an idiot in my book.
Another celebrity idiot I'd like to point out and make fun of is Fiona Horne, Australian whore d'oeuvres, whom after failing miserably at being a Gwen Stefani clone musician got into Playboy (and has hence tried to silence anyone who publishes any of her nude photos), and has actually become mildly successful at being a Neopagan author. She has several books published in Australia, and is actually trying to make a name for herself in the States by being on a Survivor-clone on the SciFi channel. Considering she lost, it's not really gonna help her much. She actually took her message board off of her website thanks to yours truly. Dumb bitch couldn't even fight her own battles; she just decided she was going to pawn her administrators (who were formerly my friends) into fighting me for her. Now, these battles (AJ and Fiona) are long since dead and buried, but they continue to try to pass themselves off as serious people, when in fact they're just in it for the money, just like $RW — they just lack the tact to actually pull it off without scratching each others' behinds.
Now that I'm done bitching about people, I'm going to get to the actual message of this essay. When I first began this site, I made hints toward a conspiracy, which I jokingly named the NWO (New Wiccan Orthodoxy), in which a group of authors have conspired to hijack the Wiccan faith and completely transform it from the slightly esoteric, misogynistic, homophobic ceremonial religion which masqueraded an orgy ring as a coven of witches, and transform it into a mass-produced palatable plastic religion that impressionable teens, insecure single mothers and D&D freaks devoid of social lives or sex lives. It sounds far-fetched when you think about it, but this entire "occult" theme that resurged about thirty years ago is really just a way to control people's lives. Why do you think people live their lives according to astrological readings you find in the comics section of your newspaper? Why do you think people hang hex signs on their garages and barns? Why do you think people buy expensive ritual items and obscure herbs as some particular author recommended?
See, there are people out there who try to pass themselves off as magical practitioners and serious pagans, when in fact they're just superstitious. This "NWO" has convinced thousands upon thousands of people that they hold the secrets to the occult, and in fact much of what they purport as occult truth stemmed off as such. But it's no longer what it used to be. Now, it's been watered down into a bunch of superstitions published as fact. There's even a book out there (and hell, maybe several) that have a spell for each day of the year. You're supposed to cast a spell every day, to achieve harmony. It's completely superstitious bullshit. Why do you need to work magic every day if you're a magical practitioner? Do you have to work on pipes every single day if you're a plumber? Why deplete your reserves as such, instead of saving up your potential energy for when you need it the most? Doesn't that seem folly to you?
It's a way to control you. The people I named above are the most obvious examples of what happens when you delude yourself into thinking that superstition equals magic. But the saddest examples are those 16-year-old slightly obese girls who sit alone in their room at night and wave their hands over a candle reading a citation out of an Edain McCoy book in order to make Joe Football Player or Jimmy Street Thug love them...
I'm deeply saddened that these people have come to power over so many Neopagans, and I'd like to go back to the Forties and convince ol' Gerry not to publish his book that started it all. But that's not going to happen; it wouldn't do any good anyway. If it wasn't Wicca, it would have been Hare Krishna or something. People are always looking to escape from reality and enter a fantasy world where everything goes their way and there's someone who knows everything, be it the Pope or AJ Drew or $RW or that one Moonie guy or Bob Dylan or Richard Gere...I heard he was a Buddhist?
As I said, this would be a rant and a tirade, not an actual essay with a crystal clear message and a thesis statement and the whole nine yards. This is formless rambling that, I think, is a little out of place in the blog, and doesn't really belong on the message board either. So blow right over this if you like, and disregard everything I said, and disregard me as some sort of lunatic cracker with a conspiracy theory up his ass. But they're out to control you. Do not believe everything that you read. Do not believe everything an author says. In fact, if an author says anything, IMMEDIATELY question it. Question whether yarrow is indeed a suitable substitute for rose (yes, Scott Cunningham actually said that!). Question whether the Gods will only love you if you have that crystal ball. Question whether your athamé absolutely positively has to have a black handle. Fuck, question whether you need an athamé at all. In fact, why don't you just question everything? It's a lot of hard work, but the moment you relax and give in to what anyone else tells you to do, you sacrifice your individuality, and you cease to be a pagan and instead become a pawn.
And once you become a pawn, in my book, you're a fucking moron. Thank you and goodnight.
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