My real life name is Eric Landrum. I am currently 41 years old (I was born Jan 12, 1968) and I have been studying metaphysics since I was 4 years old. My grandmother first got me started in this path, and she is responsible for most of how I turned out as a person in my life.
I began studying in earnest when I was just starting High School. This stemmed from many things, and one of them was the fact that I wound up playing Dungeons and Dragons ©. In there, I found out that the Greek and Roman myths were not dead, and I could interact with them on a personal level. It was a catharsis for me. From there, I began studying the mythology and the religions so I would understand the times I was supposed to be playing in.
From there, it was an easy step to go on to reading about psychic phenomenon. Telekinesis, telepathy, psychometry, UFOs, and many other things started entering my head.
I also developed a love for fantasy and science fiction books. This was the saving of my sanity, since I had an entire world to escape into when real life got to be too much. And it was really hard for me.
Due to my interest in D&D and psychic phenomenon, I was one of the outsiders, those poor souls that are so far outside the normal social clique that they had no clique. Well, I was one of them. And it was not fun. So I existed, fed my mind, and wept because my heart and soul were not being nourished by anyone.
I learned to be depressed and to not try too hard at anything. I developed chronic depression, low self esteem and many other mental afflictions. Basically I was screwed. Also around this time my parents got divorced, and I blamed myself.
I told this story to Trish Telesco for inclusion in a book she was writing about Pagans and Depression, and I will quote it here for all of you.
Currently I am 32 years old, at the time I was only 17. I had just graduated from High School, and was looking around for something to do. When I couldn’t immediately find anything, I fell into a depression.
Up until this time I had been a Mormon, who studied Metaphysics and Parapsychology whenever I could. I had a strong basis for my life in that I wanted to know how to use the abilities I knew I had been born with.
I spent most of my time at a Gaming Shop, playing Dungeons & Dragons with many older people, when I left the house. Mostly I laid around and read in my room.
I drifted, nothing holding me for very long, not even the Church. I could not get up the energy to care about anything, and it’s not like I had anyone I could go to for comfort or compassion. The leader of the local church was an intimidating person, even though he was a good person to be around.
Mostly, I let my troubles out at the Gaming store. There I became good friends with a Native American who was Ex-Special Forces in Vietnam. And one of the most powerful Psychics I had ever met, and that is still true. From him, I started learning about practical applications of Parapsychology, and what Shields and Wards were, how to use them, why to use them, Astral Projection, Ghosts, and Meditation. He started my interest by showing me about how the mind projects it’s thoughts out to others to read, if they can.
That was an interesting day. It had stated like all the others, and I was getting some instruction from two ex-Army types in conduct and history of the Army (I was going into the Army in about 9 or so months). They made some incredulous statements that I simply didn’t believe.
I remember challenging them on the statement that one could “feel” an enemy sneaking up on you, simply by being open and looking for it. Mainly because the “enemy” would be projecting that they wanted to kill you. I didn’t believe them at all.
At which point, they decided to prove it to me. They had me stand in the middle of the store, facing away from them and blindfolded me. They told me to tell them when I felt someone sneaking up behind me, and to say who it was. To my astonishment, I felt one of them while he was still 10 feet away from me, and told them who he was. And I was right on all counts.
This, I think, began to bring me out of the depression. I now had a new obsession to focus on, rather than how miserable life was. It gave me something to feel, and something to learn.
Boy, I took to this new teaching like a duck to water. Nothing was too esoteric for me. I wanted to know it ALL and I wanted to know it NOW. As a side effect of the depression, the low self-esteem I had all during school hit an all time low, and I didn’t believe that I could do anything that was being shown to me. And thus, I didn’t even try.
I remember then next event to well, I can still see it now. I had been meditating in my bed, in preparation for going to sleep. I wanted to step out of my body, and stroll around the room. And thus the meditation. I had been doing this every night for about the past three weeks, and without any results. I would get tingly and that was about it.
Then I see my best friend (the Indian) standing at the foot of my bed, while my eyes were still closed. I could suddenly see through my eyelids, and I knew what this meant. As I watched, he knelt down on the floor, and that shocked me out of the light trance I was in.
I confronted him with it the very next day, and he told me that all he was trying to do was to show me what is out there, in the Otherworlds. And this act cemented my interest in the Metaphysical.
I began studying the (pitiful) books on Witchcraft that were on the shelves, but focused my attention on the Metaphysical. Because of this, I think, I was all right, but not completely. I think it kept me from sinking down into one of the depressions that make you want to kill yourself. I had some energy, but not very much. And no passion for anything other than gaming and Metaphysics.
The interesting thing is that at this time, I had four requirements for “success”, where I felt that I had achieved something. 1) a girlfriend, 2) A car, 3) shelter 4) a job. Everytime I would get two or three of these four, I would deliberately start screwing things up, so that I lost them all. I knew I was doing it, but I was helpless to stop it.
The Metaphysical study kept it from being as bad as it could be. That I have no doubt of.
And to this day, my faith in myself and the Lord and Lady have kept me too up to fall back into the depression again. My studies and my knowledge I share with all those who wish to learn from me about what I have discovered. I am simply too busy to do that again. I tell others that a depression is self-indulgent nonsense (for me only, and I do know how bad it can be) and I don’t have the time needed to fall that far again. I do go into monthly depressions, every 28 days, but usually I let it have it’s way for about 12 hours or so, and I force myself back out of the depressions. It’s hard, but the discipline I learned from all my studies helps me immensely at those times.
As an addendum to the above information, I have discovered that my family keeps me on an even keel most times. What I said about “self-indulgent nonsense” is what KEEPS me from falling into those depressions. I have convinced myself that I simply don’t have the time, or energy, to go into a depression and stay there. There are too many things to do, and I have too many responsibilities to allow myself the luxury of those depressions. This seems to work for me. The longest I have been in one of these depressions since becoming convinced of this is 72 hours. I would say that three days is much better than a year and a half, wouldn’t you? Back to my Bio.
Well, High School ended, as it always does, and I got talked into going into the Army. Big mistake. I spent the entire time between getting out of school, till I went into the Army in a depression. I slept for 18 hrs a day, ate when forced to, and read when I was awake. I spend the rest of the time at a store called DragonWare Hobbies in Conyers Ga. Nice crew who taught me morality and more about religions and philosophy.
It helped, and I still have many staunch friends from there. I started growing up which brought me into conflict with my mother.
So now I am in the Army when the next big happening in my life occurred. I left the Mormon Church. It was a combination of errors and I lost faith. I stopped attending church and became agnostic.
After I got back from the Army (after a year and a half), I learned about Wicca, but there was no information available on the subject in my local area. So I read and looked and bought some stupid books on witchcraft from the supermarket checkout stands. Things that perpetuated the green-faced, wart-ridden, broom-riding hags. I got some good information from it, but not much.
Anyhow. I drifted for a while, went to bartending school, and wound up at a convention called Dixie Trek, where I met Mary.
My Mary was 38 at the time, and I was about 23. We talked and gamed, and I thought she was a good mom. But that was all. Well, time passed and we ran into each other again through her daughter (whom I was perusing).
We began to talk, and we began to love and before I knew it, she was so addicted to me that I was getting 7 page letters for being separated from her for 8 hrs. And I didn’t know if I was in love with her. She was prepared for the worst, and I proposed one night when I became certain that she was the one. Only three weeks after re-meeting her. We got married about two months later in an elopement ceremony due to my family sticking their noses into my life again.
We began exploring Wicca and Pagan religions in earnest and taught ourselves everything we know now. We did go to classes, and discovered that there were a few things we missed, but not much. Our beliefs coalesced into iron clad certainties and some of them we are still working out.
We now have a daughter who is 8 years old (at the time of the writing of this in 2001), and she is learning about Wicca and Paganism from us, and we have high hopes for her.
That’s it. Really interesting, huh? LOL
This next section started out as a piece on “The Necessity of Keeping Oaths” which most Pagans don’t want to look at. It is about a time in our lives that was really bad for us. I put it here so that you can all know what kind of man you are dealing with, and I hope that it will encourage some of you not to do things like this.
You may want to read this too: Time to Come Clean.